The recent blog’s name change

Some may wonder why I have recently changed the name of my blog. Well, there are various reasons. For one, the “my road” was a temporal name that I have used out of lack of better and more fitting ideas. Yet, ideas and matters to write on come to me at any time of a day and place.. they need home.

Now .. how come “truth or consequences”?

Well, for one the trip to New Mexico this year… apart from being very challenging on many levels.. made me realize where my heart lies and how the people and place have influenced me.  On top of that I did not recall that town in southern NM from the old times and was explained that couple of years back a guy came down to a little town, put money on the table and got the original name changed to this. I also hear it could have been based on a show on CBS (earlier NBC radio). Regardless of the origin the name fascinated me.

And here is why  I used it….

One of my goals developed throughout my life is to be honest. Purely honest. This does not necessarily means being insensitive, but it may equal to it when a need arises. Some things, some people and situations call for desperate measures. I don’t have to right, and I admit mistakes, yet when I see something amiss I tend to simply say it. Consequences of not speaking out my mind usually are more grave than of being frank, sometimes event blunt and unpleasant.

Yet, both ways may cost you friends.

Thus, I would rather speak truth than face the consequences of “forever holding my peace”. At the end of the day I will at least be able to look myself straight in the face I see in my mirror.

Advertisements

We are all cowards

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” – Dune, F.Herbert

 

Recently, I came to realization that we are all cowards. Humanity at large is a bunch of scared kids running around in dark.  Hell, I’m a coward myself. Yet, as opposed to most, I, at least, try to grow some ‘balls’. This prayer helps me at the darkest moments. Maybe it will also help someone else.

I wrote on my FB wall: “To be happy you have to grow balls. Those without them tend to keep being stuck in situations, places and relationships they are not happy with and pass on chances that come their way hiding behind lack of time, money, behind tradition and such, instead of thanking a stance. Funny thing how gym makes my mind work. Yet, I think I can say this openly cause at least on some levels I have grown my balls. Hope to grow them even more.
The difference between a coward and someone courageous is that coward let’s fear run his/her life… the one with guts, though maybe equally paralyzed, tries to convert the fear into something.. anything.”

This though came to me upon analyzing some things that have happened to me recently in relation to a 20-years of introspective that I have undergone. One of most important things to me have always been honesty and ability to look myself in face in the mirror. Most of us just look AT the face but not INTO it. I speak of looking INTO it. That’s why I stand strong now. There is little in my life, that I can honestly admit to messing up. Yet, I do not even regret those moments…. I have learned a lot through them. And that though above is one of the results of it all.  We are cowards *period*.

Examples:

1. people how keep stuck at jobs they hate …. they do not step up… why? well, cause they are afraid they will loose financial stability of any sort, cause they run indebt and they are afraid to take a plunge and risk. It is a mad-circle of “I’m not happy with it, but I don’t go looking for something else, cause it is a risk that I won’t be able to support myself or the loved ones, to pay off my debts and living” yet if you do not take the risk… you won’t get anywhere.. you will keep on being stuck.  If you are afraid of taking the plunge… at least try to convert it to something positive. Like that one friend of mine who hated his job, but it paid well, so he was scrubbing bits of funds here and there, bit by bit,  to go into a training he really wanted to do… took him 5 years… he then has built himself a firm spring-board for changing the job without loosing the ‘stability’.

2. people stuck in relationships they are not happy with… cause “I’m too old to change”, “I am too old”, “I am comfortable here, if I risk I might be left with nothing”, “I am not happy, yet I won’t discuss this with the other one, cause that would hurt their feelings” ; “I don’t want to break up, cause I am afraid to hurt the other one”…. some of those might have noble tones to it, yet, they are never a solution, they keep both involved parties tied up, to something that will one way or other end up in disaster.  One older gentleman (70+) met by chance in a bank queue told me something that I can’t get out of my mind. He was married for 50 years to the same woman, yet he never ever was happy and when she was dying she told him she was not happy either… I won’t be sharing here his life story, just the last thing he said to me. “the only thing I regret in my life, really regret, is not taking risks… sticking to safety and comfort of ‘stable’ everyday”

3. third is precisely what this man has said “not taking risk”…. if you do not take risks/chances… you do not RUN A CHANCE OF WINNING anything. Stuck in a Limbo.

4. Strong believe in  HAVING SOMETHING TO LOOSE. No matter how you look at it, there is nothing you can loose… e.g. life is something you are bound to loose.. sooner or later… that is certain and guaranteed from the second you are born. All material things can be lost and re-gained. I have been on end of being homeless, and I have been on the end of doing ok (not great, but ok). This one comes from my own experience. The older I get the more I’m convinced you really have nothing to loose. You can only gain even if you fail– that is called experience 😉 and it can’t be purchased…  and it comes from messing up on something.. yet failing per definition means you have at least tried.

Of course, any risk should be carefully calculated. There are things that obviously lead to disasters… like jumping on a bungee with damaged rope.. so, clearly a reasonable person would avoid that one, unless they had clear death wish. However, I do believe most things are worth the risk and you do not loose much by trying. At the end of the day you can at least look in the mirror and tell yourself – “I tried – I failed – I learned”. So, win-win situation.

Something uterrly unacceptable in relationships.

I guess I am really weird. My hubby has a friend whom, 16 years ago when we 1st met, I simply hated. Instead of doing something that so many would do i.e. ask my then-boyfriend to stop contacting that person, I simply went up to that person when they were over at our house and said it flat “Sorry I don’t like you. You are Stas’s best friend so I won’t even try to get in between you two, but please do not expect me to participate in your common endeavors and so on “. While shocked both Stas and the other person accepted my statement and we never spoke of it again. While they met I would be either in the other room or simply would go for a walk. Over they years things changed, I changed and so did that person. Now we are maybe not friends but do spend time together and respect each-other.

Few days ago I got a call from the said person… they called me to say that they greatly appreciate what I did back then, the more that their life-partner just tried to do the opposite to them and they realized how sick that is. They said that had I not done  years ago the move I did, though shocking at the time, they might have succumbed to the wishes of their ‘half” now. We had a long talk over the phone on this matter.
I have to say that my brain must be tiny for I really do not understand women/men who make their partners forsake this or other friend or passion (like hobbies) for whatever reason (for instance my bro-in-law stopped participating in something he really loved cause his then-wife asked him to do so… cause she though it was too time consuming).  I can tell my son (or a friend of mine) “listen this or that person is no good, you should avoid them” but I will not force him to do so or make him promise anything to that end… it is way to deep intrusion into a free will of the other person and it is highly disrespectful to them. In the end it is their choice, their life and I can’t live it for them. I can only issue a warning… decision is theirs. And forcing anyone to go along what I think is simply REPULSIVE, DISGUSTING and MORALLY UNACCEPTABLE.

If you respect your mate do not force them, ask them to stop doing something or contacting someone, either change yourself by e.g. going to another room, or if you can’t stand it at all maybe it is time to think on whether you are right for them and they for you. There are no perfect matches, no perfect fairy-tale lives… all differences can be worked out … but not by forcing the other party to succumb to your wishes, but by changing yourself.  So stop being lazy in relationship and change first… the world will adapt. Either drop something that you are not willing to fight over, or work on it but in partnership not in slave-master set.