Gaming? 4 reasons why I quit.

I have been an faithful gamer for years, from CounterStrike and Warrock though Grenado Espada (Sword of the New World), Diablo series and many others. I still play… by not so much… Why?

Why I have stated to play in the first place? (

It was back at university.. I was in RPG club (way better mode of relaxing to be honest) and kind of got talked into trying Diablo. It was already a tad old by then – that was in 1999 or 2000. I got hooked on it due to overall stress and problems with my family that I really needed to vent but had not many options. It was cool to imagine that each of the dogs in it (the ones spitting acid or venom at you) are the person that most hurt you. From there it was a down hill.. maybe not as deep into the pit as some of my friends went (one passed out at the computer after playing for 3 days straight) but I did take it to extremes for a moment. After I graduated games were for me a way to vent the frustration resulting from numerous unsuccessful job searches. And when my son was born.. and I reached the level of tired where you can’t even sleep cause you are so exhausted (yes, there is something like that).. they helped me unplug and reset.

The only real pro I can find are the 3 good friends, whom I can count on, that are left from those years of gaming. I believe I could have met them otherwise as well. People we are meant to come across  can take us by surprise anytime and anywhere.

Games were my exile…. yet their cost.. and I’m not saying financial.. the toll they took on me and my life can’t be underestimated. I was running.. foremost from myself, from looking with clear eye at myself and my life. And I did get myself in a mess, hell I did.

Regardless of the reasons behind me gaming….now, some 15/16 years later. I can say I have unplugged myself from them. It was a conscious decision and here are the reasons:

  1. In overall scope of the day I used to spend at least 2 hours on games. After 10 year of gaming the count is simple 7300 hours = 306 days used up on something totally intangible. Imagine that I could have relaxed or unplugged with more beneficially by my second favorite pastime – book reading, or better yet needle point or developing my skills as a drifter? Where would I be by now?
  2. The involvement in games made me forget the world around me… this did take a toll on the way I look, on the way I see others and on the way I communicate with them. In some ways positive, in some quite the opposite. But it definitely made my ties with real life friends go somewhat loose. What would happen if I used at least part of those hours to actually physically socializing with those I care for?
  3. I took a deep look in the mirror. And I got shocked. I was shocked by my own thoughts on the matter, on why I actually play. I saw a person who is running away from herself, trying to avoid an honest look at her own life, at where she stood and where her path was leading. I fell into the trap of addiction (again maybe not as strong as others e.g. my own husband) but non the less and addiction. And addiction, any addiction, if not kept in check is destructive force.
  4. Then I did the math on all the money I have spent on the F2P games… believe me they are not free if you want to mean something in those virtual worlds and they ain’t cheap. The cost… well.. I could have easily gotten my dream car a few years earlier. And I am not rich by any means. I think this realization was the last nail to the coffin.

I do play now, but I keep a close check on when and how much I spend on it.. and I DO NOT SPEND anymore money on that. If I get tempted to spend more I do exercise or go for a walk; and the funds… I simply take out of my account put into my old-fashioned Piggy. After a year of keeping myself in check I have collected enough money to buy some books I wished to read for long time, to take my family for a fancy dinner and to have running subscription on Spotify (I love music, maybe they don’t have it all.. but they are better than average radio).

I decided I can use this time better, do something meaningful with it instead of living in virtual world.  So far, small steps.. but I already see much good in the decision.

I know that taking look at yourself, on why you REALLY game and facing the response is the hardest, but I strongly believe there is much to be gained. I would like to encourage those infested by the plaque to do so. We have but one life (at least that’s how much we are conscious of ) why waste it on something that will in few years leave us with almost nothing…


Natural Remedies and beauty tips 5 – natural antyperspitants

I’m not a health geek, or crazed about all the crap they sell to us in food and so on. I do try to be careful of what I eat or put on myself… for my own good. I have been using a variety of antiperspirants and deodorants over the years… most of them chemical. Now, I see the toll they took on my skin. And I ventured onto finding out what natural alternatives I can get. I have tried several brands that claim to be all natural and not to include anything that could damage my health… yet none quite cut it. They were generally quite expensive, in some cases gave me allergy and upon consultation with biochemists friends, I got, turned out to contain some things that are steroid-like or exert over body similar influence like hormones.

That’s when I said enough. If I can’t even trust those that claim to be bio… I will search for DIY solution. What I found is a number of different recipes. All easy to make with components relatively easy to find even in my backwater corner of the world. Most of them contain Coconut oil, and here is one of interesting tricks to remember.

The simplest one is simply to mix 1/4 of a cup of coconut oil with 1/4 cup of baking soda with a bit of starch(this last one I find can be optional although many sources insist on it being a necessity).  There is pretty much nothing here that could give you allergy. Soda neutralizes the bacteria and the oil keeps your skin moisturized at the same time dry. I like it due to its simple content and I came up with it by excluding via trial-and-error from other recipes I found.

Here are the other, more complex solutions:

  1. Three DIY antiperspirant alternatives (
  2. Confession… and a DIY (

  3. A recipe for a homemade deodorant that REALLY works! (

Warning: One has to be careful with essential oils, some of them are simply fake and mixed with other components result in unpleasant surprises ( for instance I got a rash after using a rose one bought at supposedly bio-shop).

Natural Remedies and beauty tips 4 – cough drops

Cough drops tend to cost a lot. None doubts their usefulness, yet how would you like to make your own?

I have been digging though some old books on herbal medicine and note of my mother-in-law and found this simple recipe:

Take a pot then drop into it:

1 glass of sugar (can be brown if you prefer)

1/2 glass of water

juice from a whole lemon

1 tbsp. of honey

1/2 tbsp. of grounded clovers

1 tbsp. of powdered ginger

Mix well and cook for 20 minutes regularly mixing; final texture should be more or less like maple syrup. Use as natural materials for this as possible is the way to go.

Pull out a sheet of baking paper. Spread it on a flat surface. With a table spoon distribute the mixture on the sheet in small lumps/drops (it is relatively fluid so ‘lumps’ might be only an approximate word for them – much depends on quality of ingredients used). Take powdered sugar and cover all of them with it. Leave to fully cool.

Tear the drops off the paper, and there you go… home-made fully natural cough and anty-flue drops ready.



This material just reminded me of something I strongly believed as a teen and student at college.

I remember that I used to love, and was quite good at it (got published a few times and had some prizes in competitions), to draw human bodies eg. in movement. Not only humans… animals as well… I strongly believed that we are, each and every single one of us, a work of art. The way a muscle moved under skin, the way the light fell on it…I saw it all as either mathematical equation or as art and physics mixed into one beautiful ‘chaos’ of living.

I also recall how absurd and painful it was for me to hear from someone who apart from giving me life also robbed me of illusions and intellectual innocence of trusting the best in everyone.  I recall the words precisely “this sex, obscene drawing of yours, vampires and demons will drag you to hell”…

This… every day life and struggles…turned me, I guess into a bitter clown. I have not drawn humans or animals in years, though I still, in the privacy of my own though, admire well shaped bodies of both females and males… poesy of movement of a ballet dancer, the strength hidden behind the muscles of an athlete… though in this time and age it all seems to be less and less natural.

The material quoted above reminded me of my old belief that still liners in my heart. I’m sorry, I refuse to subscribe anymore to christian morality… I’m really done… do onto others as you would have them do to you… and believe your own heart. Maybe it is a little late for a teen rebellion… but it is better now than never.

True, this post is somewhat chaotic… but my goal is simple… stop caring what others think, stop trying to please them all (you simply can’t)… start TO LIVE stop just existing and DO NOT force your beliefs on others.