The quid pro quo of loving one you ‘can’t’ be with

I have read a lot lately from what one would call pop-psychology. One article particularly cough my eye. Here is the link: http://idealist4ever.com/the-heartbreak-of-being-in-love-with/?fb_comment_id=1001026003290783_1001978256528891&comment_id=1001978256528891#f1e2b90d94

Although one has to grant it much right… I could not have stopped myself from commenting on it as follows:

“And some people do not fight… simply give up and leave believing that advises of their friends and family are to be trusted… they don’t even give it an honest shot and claim that “maybe it was not meant to be”… if you have not tried how can you believe in that… unless you were raised on Disney princesses and bs of that sort.”

Seems quite a few agree with me on this (judging from the likes). So, I decided to take this and develop into my own post.

Having spelled the background for this, I would also like to say that I’m writing this from my own experience, from my own subjective and  biased view. Yet, having the opportunity to go back in time and talk to my former self I would have told her to screw it all and jump that train even without a passport, visa and tickets. I do also have to stress here that I do not blame anyone anymore …there is no point… I only wish my soul remembers this well into the next life and does not allow circumstances to stop her.

What I am trying to say is that nothing in life comes easy or free. It’s either something you have to pay for up front, while at it, or after. My life has never been precisely easy, but that’s not the point here. I often hear a question ” ohh, why me?”… I can tell you why… whatever is going on at this point is one of the 3 things:

  1. it is happening to teach you something, and if you do not sit down, think about it, learn from it.. it will keep on repeating in your life until you do learn.
  2. if no.1  does not seem to ring the bell then there is no.2  – it is cumulative result of your actions, inaction, negligence and indecision or decisions …. again you can only learn from it and avoid re-runs
  3. it is effects/ripples in the fabric of the world caused by clash of your decisions, negligence, wants, needs with those of others. Ok, you can’t do much about others… but you can do hell lot about your own list.

In either of the 3 … it all comes down to your own choices and doings or failures.

Over the years I have learned that there is nothing as destructive to young human mind as the sweet and pointless fairy-tales we show our kids. A lot of young people of my and younger generations are raised in belief of being “princesses’ and ‘princes’ … yet “Disney” ( I will use the name as a synonym of certain syndrome not so much as the company itself) seldom shows that princesses were on regular basis ‘sold’ in marriages already in cradles; seldom if ever show the dark side of love… of the need to fight for what one believes… and feed the young minds with “meant to be”.

Let me tell you what I believe “meant to be” means. Someone said to me sometimes ago “maybe we were not meant to be”… I say BS… why? simple logic.. what would be a point of showing you a tiny piece of cake and slowly pulling it away from you? Why would God, or any other power, show you how deeply, how strongly you can love and then simply force you two to part with slim chances of ever seeing each other… yet still loving one another?

My cold and calculated math of today tells me… that it was one of those things that came easy.. but you did have to pay for them or fight to keep them. Here is where we failed. I , being as young as I was, feeling what I felt,  yet knowing deep inside I should have fought, I gave up for I saw only darkness before my eyes… parents in opposition, reaching as far as illegal ends to stop me from following him. And he. Older, but still young, faced with the possibility of struggles related to finances foremost and ‘good advises’ from his friends and family.  I’m not sure about his feelings on this matter.. we never really had a chance to talk of all that later. Yet, if he felt for me what I felt and still feel for him… he also must have sensed that although their advises were rational they have no real hold in this situation.

20 years have passed. I’m married and have a kid… with my option B…far from what you would say happy…keeping busy with hobbies one would not consider fully safe (such as taking up on drifting). He…single…seems drained of his old courage,  drained of will to fight for anything… keeping a happy clown mask on even in front of himself it appears.

Not that I regret anything… it is too late for any regrets..it is time to learn. Let this be a warning to all… things that are NOT MEANT TO BE simply do not happen… universe, God, or whatever power there is, is efficient and hates wasting resources.. hell, even nature hates to waste… so whatever happens, be it love, be it accident, be it loss, or be it a gain… it all happens for a reason… ERGO IT IS MEANT TO BE. Now, remember IT IS ALL YOUR CHOICE… stop blaming God, Devil or destiny for things you have failed to do yourself. God only helps those that help themselves first. Be a fighter! Show him you are worth of his aid!

ps. advises of friends and family are good, but you have to remember that they are only as wise as their own lives…they do not know your life or soul fully.. ONLY you can answer your own questions; ONLY you know the right answer for yourself.

pps. one could say ” but you never know if you would be happy together”… my response is “true, but you never know if you don’t try”.. and the only regret there can be is regret of not giving it an honest go.. simply giving up

 

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