We are all cowards

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” – Dune, F.Herbert

 

Recently, I came to realization that we are all cowards. Humanity at large is a bunch of scared kids running around in dark.  Hell, I’m a coward myself. Yet, as opposed to most, I, at least, try to grow some ‘balls’. This prayer helps me at the darkest moments. Maybe it will also help someone else.

I wrote on my FB wall: “To be happy you have to grow balls. Those without them tend to keep being stuck in situations, places and relationships they are not happy with and pass on chances that come their way hiding behind lack of time, money, behind tradition and such, instead of thanking a stance. Funny thing how gym makes my mind work. Yet, I think I can say this openly cause at least on some levels I have grown my balls. Hope to grow them even more.
The difference between a coward and someone courageous is that coward let’s fear run his/her life… the one with guts, though maybe equally paralyzed, tries to convert the fear into something.. anything.”

This though came to me upon analyzing some things that have happened to me recently in relation to a 20-years of introspective that I have undergone. One of most important things to me have always been honesty and ability to look myself in face in the mirror. Most of us just look AT the face but not INTO it. I speak of looking INTO it. That’s why I stand strong now. There is little in my life, that I can honestly admit to messing up. Yet, I do not even regret those moments…. I have learned a lot through them. And that though above is one of the results of it all.  We are cowards *period*.

Examples:

1. people how keep stuck at jobs they hate …. they do not step up… why? well, cause they are afraid they will loose financial stability of any sort, cause they run indebt and they are afraid to take a plunge and risk. It is a mad-circle of “I’m not happy with it, but I don’t go looking for something else, cause it is a risk that I won’t be able to support myself or the loved ones, to pay off my debts and living” yet if you do not take the risk… you won’t get anywhere.. you will keep on being stuck.  If you are afraid of taking the plunge… at least try to convert it to something positive. Like that one friend of mine who hated his job, but it paid well, so he was scrubbing bits of funds here and there, bit by bit,  to go into a training he really wanted to do… took him 5 years… he then has built himself a firm spring-board for changing the job without loosing the ‘stability’.

2. people stuck in relationships they are not happy with… cause “I’m too old to change”, “I am too old”, “I am comfortable here, if I risk I might be left with nothing”, “I am not happy, yet I won’t discuss this with the other one, cause that would hurt their feelings” ; “I don’t want to break up, cause I am afraid to hurt the other one”…. some of those might have noble tones to it, yet, they are never a solution, they keep both involved parties tied up, to something that will one way or other end up in disaster.  One older gentleman (70+) met by chance in a bank queue told me something that I can’t get out of my mind. He was married for 50 years to the same woman, yet he never ever was happy and when she was dying she told him she was not happy either… I won’t be sharing here his life story, just the last thing he said to me. “the only thing I regret in my life, really regret, is not taking risks… sticking to safety and comfort of ‘stable’ everyday”

3. third is precisely what this man has said “not taking risk”…. if you do not take risks/chances… you do not RUN A CHANCE OF WINNING anything. Stuck in a Limbo.

4. Strong believe in  HAVING SOMETHING TO LOOSE. No matter how you look at it, there is nothing you can loose… e.g. life is something you are bound to loose.. sooner or later… that is certain and guaranteed from the second you are born. All material things can be lost and re-gained. I have been on end of being homeless, and I have been on the end of doing ok (not great, but ok). This one comes from my own experience. The older I get the more I’m convinced you really have nothing to loose. You can only gain even if you fail– that is called experience 😉 and it can’t be purchased…  and it comes from messing up on something.. yet failing per definition means you have at least tried.

Of course, any risk should be carefully calculated. There are things that obviously lead to disasters… like jumping on a bungee with damaged rope.. so, clearly a reasonable person would avoid that one, unless they had clear death wish. However, I do believe most things are worth the risk and you do not loose much by trying. At the end of the day you can at least look in the mirror and tell yourself – “I tried – I failed – I learned”. So, win-win situation.

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