I had plenty of ideas for writing this year, yet I hold back on many of them … too personal I believe.
There are a few things I would like to share with all. Lessons in life gained during this year, or reaffirmed by it.
Men are weird beasts. Sometimes you can ask them for days/months to do something. I hate causing fights or quarrels as I see them as counter-effective…at least the specimen I have at hands simply goes into ‘reject mode’ and won’t do the thing I ask for if I push or fuzz about it. He will even go into ‘reject’ if that is against his own better judgment. To be honest that pisses me off more than anything. Yet, over the years I have learned there is no point in fighting. I have a heart condition and I am not about to let his moods and laziness get to me anymore.. and that is my 1st lesson of this year. My health is more important than most of the stuff I have to deal with. PERIOD.
I still will have to work on the balance of actually getting him somehow to do the things as opposed to doing them myself.. cause that is not a solution either and I do not wish to have two kids rivaling over my attention (I mean man and his own son).
Some dreams suck… I won’t go into it, but they do believe me. Ergo I do not wish anymore ‘may your dreams come true’… I wish others, and myself, “may what you need appear at the time of need”.
Other dreams are way worth, no matter what the trouble afterwards, of fighting for. One example is my Mazda Rx-8. True the loan for it weights on my budget heavily… yet it is my sweet escape. I believe anyone should have their “ReX” … it does not have to be a car, but it does have to hold an important position of a hobby in your life. LIFE WITHOUT PASSION KILLS. Your soul, your heart simply dies on you. And this is lesson no.2
3. Limited trust
I am not the most trusting person and perhaps that’s why it hurts more once someone you did trust screws you over. This has happened to me this year. I guess I kind of hoped that being friends for years and part of one family (not my bloodline but by marriage) deserves the benefit of doubt in what others say of the person.. I was wrong… Simple as that. Lesson no.3 reads do not trust even your own family
4. True friends in unexpected places
This year was extremely challenging… out of that.. only 3 of those I believed to be friends actually stood a test and reached out to help me at a moment of dire need. Thank you, guys. I know now on whom to relay.
Thus reinforcement of a old belief of mine – you know your true friends only while in trouble.
I have to say that some persons have profoundly disappointed me this year … or perhaps I simply had higher expectations of them, and they only have shown how real they are. It is good to be stripped of illusions.. better after 10 years than after 20 or 30, right?
5. Do not give up
That’s the hard one. I have had a few of really down in dumps moments. Mostly due to my relationship and my financial balance. Yet, although the both of them weight on me heavily I refuse to give up. In the 1st.. there is not much I can do, it is all still in the hands of that one person… in case of the 2nd one.. well I will just have to work it extra hard, won’t I?
Now, off to a new year. I plan to start doing a lot of monitoring of my finances to start with. This means keeping a close financial diary of all the spending .. no matter how depressing it can be.. and limit wherever I can.
As I still do not seem to be able to state where I am going, I intend on making a plan and whatever power there is in this world may help me in getting it done. I have never made written plans, yet I feel, if I don’t I will fall of the wagon soon.
Third thing on the list for next 2 days is bringing order to my in-work madness. Due to the change of position in firm this year I am walking into a foreign to me ground of marketing nowadays. This poses a lot of challenge and I do need to learn a lot, ergo.. another plan on the list of to-do.