My big dream = Rx-8

As I have mentioned in some previous posts I am a bit of grease monkey.. I like the sound of good engine under hood, I like the smell of oil (provided it is not overheated) and gasoline, I like cars that are non-standard.

My first is (still have it) 126p Fiat… I do love it still and it is going through some renovation works and needs some mechanical fixing which I plan on doing early in 2016.

Now my second car, the one I do use, is a Mazda Rx-8. It is sliver.. which at first I saw as a disadvantage cropped-smoczo3-e28094-kopia.jpg

but learned to appreciate later. It is not new.. they don’t make them anymore… it is 10 years old but it did steal my heart.

I saw one some 10 years ago in Warsaw, red it was,  and I instantly became fascinated by it. Over the years I have read much on the rotary and hemi engines, both are unique.  Miata (Mazda mx-5) is more eye catching, but I feel it is too ‘light’ for me in so many ways.

To cut the story short.. 10 years later I decided to make my dream come true. It has been 4 months now.  It surpassed my wildest dreams.

I am now on the road to customizing it. I was planning to do some body paint, several concepts rolled through my mind.. but for now I am working on some visual modifications of a smaller scale… subtle and simple. For my winter wheels I got those IMG_1657

and they look on like this: IMG_1660

Still waiting for a side decal.

On the inside I decided to break the grey alcantara with some blue (at first it was going to be blue additions on the outside as well). I did some stitching on the back seats (the front are still to be worked on).

Those photos do not reflect the reality. Our Rx-club mechanic believed from the photos that I have stitched wool…when he saw with his own eyes he stated that although it is not his style he finds it an interesting and rather good addition.

I will continue on my road to larger and smaller mods for this beast.



We are all cowards

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” – Dune, F.Herbert


Recently, I came to realization that we are all cowards. Humanity at large is a bunch of scared kids running around in dark.  Hell, I’m a coward myself. Yet, as opposed to most, I, at least, try to grow some ‘balls’. This prayer helps me at the darkest moments. Maybe it will also help someone else.

I wrote on my FB wall: “To be happy you have to grow balls. Those without them tend to keep being stuck in situations, places and relationships they are not happy with and pass on chances that come their way hiding behind lack of time, money, behind tradition and such, instead of thanking a stance. Funny thing how gym makes my mind work. Yet, I think I can say this openly cause at least on some levels I have grown my balls. Hope to grow them even more.
The difference between a coward and someone courageous is that coward let’s fear run his/her life… the one with guts, though maybe equally paralyzed, tries to convert the fear into something.. anything.”

This though came to me upon analyzing some things that have happened to me recently in relation to a 20-years of introspective that I have undergone. One of most important things to me have always been honesty and ability to look myself in face in the mirror. Most of us just look AT the face but not INTO it. I speak of looking INTO it. That’s why I stand strong now. There is little in my life, that I can honestly admit to messing up. Yet, I do not even regret those moments…. I have learned a lot through them. And that though above is one of the results of it all.  We are cowards *period*.


1. people how keep stuck at jobs they hate …. they do not step up… why? well, cause they are afraid they will loose financial stability of any sort, cause they run indebt and they are afraid to take a plunge and risk. It is a mad-circle of “I’m not happy with it, but I don’t go looking for something else, cause it is a risk that I won’t be able to support myself or the loved ones, to pay off my debts and living” yet if you do not take the risk… you won’t get anywhere.. you will keep on being stuck.  If you are afraid of taking the plunge… at least try to convert it to something positive. Like that one friend of mine who hated his job, but it paid well, so he was scrubbing bits of funds here and there, bit by bit,  to go into a training he really wanted to do… took him 5 years… he then has built himself a firm spring-board for changing the job without loosing the ‘stability’.

2. people stuck in relationships they are not happy with… cause “I’m too old to change”, “I am too old”, “I am comfortable here, if I risk I might be left with nothing”, “I am not happy, yet I won’t discuss this with the other one, cause that would hurt their feelings” ; “I don’t want to break up, cause I am afraid to hurt the other one”…. some of those might have noble tones to it, yet, they are never a solution, they keep both involved parties tied up, to something that will one way or other end up in disaster.  One older gentleman (70+) met by chance in a bank queue told me something that I can’t get out of my mind. He was married for 50 years to the same woman, yet he never ever was happy and when she was dying she told him she was not happy either… I won’t be sharing here his life story, just the last thing he said to me. “the only thing I regret in my life, really regret, is not taking risks… sticking to safety and comfort of ‘stable’ everyday”

3. third is precisely what this man has said “not taking risk”…. if you do not take risks/chances… you do not RUN A CHANCE OF WINNING anything. Stuck in a Limbo.

4. Strong believe in  HAVING SOMETHING TO LOOSE. No matter how you look at it, there is nothing you can loose… e.g. life is something you are bound to loose.. sooner or later… that is certain and guaranteed from the second you are born. All material things can be lost and re-gained. I have been on end of being homeless, and I have been on the end of doing ok (not great, but ok). This one comes from my own experience. The older I get the more I’m convinced you really have nothing to loose. You can only gain even if you fail– that is called experience 😉 and it can’t be purchased…  and it comes from messing up on something.. yet failing per definition means you have at least tried.

Of course, any risk should be carefully calculated. There are things that obviously lead to disasters… like jumping on a bungee with damaged rope.. so, clearly a reasonable person would avoid that one, unless they had clear death wish. However, I do believe most things are worth the risk and you do not loose much by trying. At the end of the day you can at least look in the mirror and tell yourself – “I tried – I failed – I learned”. So, win-win situation.

End of another year

I had plenty of ideas for writing this year, yet I hold back on many of them … too personal I believe.

There are a few things I would like to share with all. Lessons in life gained during this year, or reaffirmed by it.

  1. Men

Men are weird beasts. Sometimes you can ask them for days/months to do something. I hate causing fights or quarrels as I see them as counter-effective…at least the specimen I have at hands simply goes into ‘reject mode’ and won’t do the thing I ask for if I push or fuzz about it. He will even go into ‘reject’ if that is against his own better judgment. To be honest that pisses me off more than anything. Yet, over the years I have learned there is no point in fighting. I have a heart condition and I am not about to let his moods and laziness get to me anymore.. and that is my 1st lesson of this year. My health is more important than most of the stuff I have to deal with. PERIOD.

I still will have to work on the balance of actually getting him somehow to do the things as opposed to doing them myself.. cause that is not a solution either and I do not wish to have two kids rivaling over my attention (I mean man and his own son).

2. Dreams

Some dreams suck… I won’t go into it, but they do believe me. Ergo I do not wish anymore ‘may your dreams come true’… I wish others, and myself, “may what you need appear at the time of need”.

Other dreams are way worth, no matter what the trouble afterwards, of fighting for.  One example is my Mazda Rx-8. True the loan for it weights on my budget heavily… yet it is my sweet escape. I believe anyone should have their “ReX” … it does not have to be a car, but it does have to hold an important position of a hobby in your life. LIFE WITHOUT PASSION KILLS. Your soul, your heart simply dies on you. And this is lesson no.2

3. Limited trust

I am not the most trusting person and perhaps that’s why it hurts more once someone you did trust screws you over. This has happened to me this year. I guess I kind of hoped that being friends for years and part of one family (not my bloodline but by marriage) deserves the  benefit of doubt in what others say of the person.. I was wrong… Simple as that. Lesson no.3 reads do not trust even your own family

4. True friends in unexpected places

This year was extremely challenging… out of that.. only 3 of those I believed to be friends actually stood a test and reached out to help me at a moment of dire need. Thank you, guys. I know now on whom to relay.

Thus reinforcement of a old belief of mine – you know your true friends only while in trouble.

I have to say that some persons have profoundly disappointed me this year … or perhaps I simply had higher expectations of them, and they only have shown how real they are. It is good to be stripped of illusions.. better after 10 years than after 20 or 30, right?

5. Do not give up

That’s the hard one. I have had a few of really down in dumps moments. Mostly due to my relationship and my financial balance. Yet, although the both of them weight on me heavily I refuse to give up.  In the 1st.. there is not much I can do, it is all still in the hands of that one person… in case of the 2nd one.. well I will just have to work it extra hard, won’t I?


Now, off to a new year. I plan to start doing a lot of monitoring of my finances to start with. This means keeping a close financial diary of all the spending .. no matter how depressing it can be.. and limit wherever I can.

As I still do not seem to be able to state where I am going, I intend on making a plan and whatever power there is in this world may help me in getting it done. I have never made written plans, yet I feel, if I don’t I will fall of the wagon soon.

Third thing on the list for next 2 days is bringing order to my in-work madness. Due to the change of position in firm this year I am walking into a foreign to me ground of marketing nowadays. This poses a lot of challenge and I do need to learn a lot, ergo.. another plan on the list of to-do.