Close to a year ago I wrote a small article for Productive!Magazine PL on habits of strong people (there is English version thereof on my blog). This one will take a tad different approach to the matter.
Throughout my observation of others I have discovered several things that strong people do and some that they don’t PERIOD. Some of them are common misconceptions aka. one believe the person is a strong emotionally individual but instead gets a great ticker/manipulator instead.
As stated in my article for P!M none is born strong emotionally.. that is the 1st misconception. You can work on your emotional strength and the first step is not to give up, not even in face of the most horrid circumstances. And that’s also the first thing each such individual does… they constantly work on themselves. Work on improving their own performance and rarely take from themselves ‘second best’. You can say that in a way they strive for personal perfection, yet that is not quite so… they know their limits (another DO) and though they push them, they also have respect for themselves (DO no.3).
Someone told me recently that in their opinion you do not get emotionally/mentally strong if you are not cold, unemotional, bossy and pushy/aggressive. I believe to the contrary… that would be like 4 DON’Ts right there. I feel a strong person knows when to be on the cold, unemotional and aggressive side, but will never overdo with any of those as they are aware that such behavior in uncalled for situation is working against them. Ergo the DO of a strong person is know the boundaries and although sometimes on the hard/bitchy side they will seldom overdo or adapt these four as their overall modus operandi. I would rather attribute those 4 characteristics as permanent traits of weak, uncertain and manipulative being.
Another DON’T that I hear often is that these people ‘would never endure real hardship”. I think this is the one that makes me laugh the most….most strong individuals are forged by REAL hardships.They may not like such spots, but they will hold through and do what is there to be done.
I come from a psycho-therapy backwater place called Poland. Many here believe, it is inbred into them, that having a mental problem or going to a psychologist or (God forbid ! ) psychiatrist is not their problem and that strong people (on both mental and emotional level) do not do that for they are titans and do not have any problems. Well, I say it is a BS (pardon my french). Everyone has their downs, everyone once in a while doubts and a psychologist/therapist might be just the thing that will help you pry yourself out of a dark whole when there is no hope left. The ‘outside’ perspective might be just what is needed. Also as many psychologists stress “mental health and mental strength are two different things”. The strong people differ from the rest by DO- admitting they need help at some points.
Ignoring pain/hardship is one of my favorite arguments. I can’t even count how many times I have heard that mentally strong people ignore pain or hardship. This is simply a-logical. How would they ever be able to solve anything, had they not actually looked at their situation/pain, had they not taken it apart and found a way out? You can’t ignore if you wish to crack the issue and grow by learning from it. What they do is endure the discomfort and learn from it.
You ALSO can work on each of those.. you can also grow and develop into more resilient better self.. But you do need to face your fears, and you need to learn to take things apart and look for loophole that will let you out of the though spots… but not at cost of others. There are almost no situation that you are faced with which you can’t handle without going over dead cold bodies. So don’t leave that trail behind… cause that does not make you strong.. that makes you into en egocentric ass.