A year has gone by

Last year I wrote a post on some resolutions I took ….It is time to take a step back and review.

“Screw what others say”… pretty much that is working out for the best. I grew more resistant to some stupid remarks and they do not bother me that much. It does not mean I do not review them and consider their value.. on the contrary I do… but I do no give a heck about hate language anymore. I do not take it personally anymore.  So, on that one I do have to give myself a point.

This year was not much easier than the previous one.. yet my group ‘to die for’ has evolved… or should I say deteriorated. One person failed friendship test, and yet has not found any quilt in themselves.. while I was capable of admitting to my faults on one end, I refuse to take whole of the blame onto me. Too bad, for years I did my best to support them.. ohh, well.  A family member failed me as well. Guess my expectations were to high set… well, I am no set on having expectations only towards myself.. and the rest.. take it as it comes.

I have to admit to at least partial failure on the end of ‘not taking decisions on behalf of others”…try as I might being mother makes me fail here, my son is still not at the age when he can do stuff legally on his own.. so.. sigh… And I do admit to having made some out of lack of patience with others. Here is a – for me.

I still refuse to subdue…that’s a plus.. although I do feel burned out.

I am still set on my goals, though I have not moved much forward… except maybe for standing the test at the collage and for making one of my dreams come true – Rx-8.

Though I’m rather down in the dumps on this b-day of mine.. the calculations comes out more in +. I need to stick to the plan and control some aspects of my life better. I’m working on that, and I hope to pull it through, though a transportable nuclear battery would be of great help if I am to keep on the path.

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The ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’ of emotionally/mentally strong individuals.

Close to a year ago I wrote a small article for Productive!Magazine PL on habits of strong people (there is English version thereof on my blog). This one will take a tad different approach to the matter.

Throughout my observation of others I have discovered several things that strong people do and some that they don’t PERIOD. Some of them are common misconceptions aka. one believe the person is a strong emotionally individual but instead gets a great ticker/manipulator instead.

As stated in my article for P!M none is born strong emotionally.. that is the 1st misconception. You can work on your emotional strength and the first step is not to give up, not even in face of the most horrid circumstances. And that’s also the first thing each such individual does… they constantly work on themselves. Work on improving their own performance and rarely take from themselves ‘second best’. You can say that in a way they strive for personal perfection, yet that is not quite so… they know their limits (another DO) and though they push them, they also have respect for themselves (DO no.3).

Someone told me recently that in their opinion you do not get emotionally/mentally strong if you are not cold, unemotional, bossy and pushy/aggressive. I believe to the contrary… that would be like 4 DON’Ts right there. I feel a strong person knows when to be on the cold, unemotional and aggressive side, but will never overdo with any of those as they are aware that such behavior in uncalled for situation is working against them. Ergo the DO of a strong person is know the boundaries and although sometimes on the hard/bitchy side they will seldom overdo or adapt these four as their overall modus operandi.  I would rather attribute those 4 characteristics as permanent traits of weak, uncertain and manipulative being.

Another DON’T that I hear often is that these people ‘would never endure real hardship”. I think this is the one that makes me laugh the most….most strong individuals are forged by REAL hardships.They may not like such spots, but they will hold through and do what is there to be done.

I come from a psycho-therapy backwater place called Poland. Many here believe, it is inbred into them, that having a mental problem or going to a psychologist or (God forbid ! ) psychiatrist is not their problem and that strong people (on both mental and emotional level) do not do that for they are titans and do not have any problems. Well, I say it is a BS (pardon my french).  Everyone has their downs, everyone once in a while doubts and a psychologist/therapist might be just the thing that will help you pry yourself out of a dark whole when there is no hope left. The ‘outside’ perspective might be just what is needed. Also as many psychologists stress “mental health and mental strength are two different things”. The strong people differ from the rest by DO- admitting they need help at some points.

Ignoring pain/hardship is one of my favorite arguments. I can’t even count how many times I have heard that mentally strong people ignore pain or hardship. This is simply a-logical. How would they ever be able to solve anything, had they not actually looked at their situation/pain, had they not taken it apart and found a way out? You can’t ignore if you wish to crack the issue and grow by learning from it. What they do is endure the discomfort and learn from it.

You ALSO can work on each of those.. you can also grow and develop into more resilient better self.. But you do need to face your fears, and you need to learn to take things apart and look for loophole that will let you out of the though spots… but not at cost of others. There are almost no situation that you are faced with which you can’t handle without going over dead cold bodies. So don’t leave that trail behind… cause that does not make you strong.. that makes you into en egocentric ass.

You can’t change anyone.. except yourself.

I have been observing people for years, trying to learn from their mistakes. I guess it did not do me much good for in my naive idealistic mind I hoped that talking, explaining, asking, showing an example of self would help.

No such luck.

It seems right now that I’m stuck in a limbo both professionally and personally. And honestly I feel burned out.

I do not want this anymore, I do not want to be the one to constantly fight, I do not wish to be the supporting pillar of it all. I don’t even give a heck anymore if they appreciate me (not sure if they do… but it does not matter anymore). I will be working from now on, on changing myself. When I do that, I did it several times already, one important thing will happen.. my perspective will change for I will reach a different point. Once I do that.. kind of hard to say at this point… I will either stay put in a sense of my surroundings and people or move on. Should I move on… it will only be their choice if they wish to catch up or choose to go their own paths. There is a point where changing yourself is the only rational solution. A change has to come from within.

Bottom of the line of this little story is that I trust, from now on, only actions of the people… not their words. I have been doing all my life my best to keep my word, yet it seems I’m a relic of some long forgotten era. I also solemnly swear never again try to even in the slightest measure others with the same measure as applied to myself. My standards maybe higher or lower, depends on perspective, and I might be expecting from myself too much… but that is from myself. No more expectations of any sort for anyone and NO MORE WHINING.