I guess I am really weird. My hubby has a friend whom, 16 years ago when we 1st met, I simply hated. Instead of doing something that so many would do i.e. ask my then-boyfriend to stop contacting that person, I simply went up to that person when they were over at our house and said it flat “Sorry I don’t like you. You are Stas’s best friend so I won’t even try to get in between you two, but please do not expect me to participate in your common endeavors and so on “. While shocked both Stas and the other person accepted my statement and we never spoke of it again. While they met I would be either in the other room or simply would go for a walk. Over they years things changed, I changed and so did that person. Now we are maybe not friends but do spend time together and respect each-other.
Few days ago I got a call from the said person… they called me to say that they greatly appreciate what I did back then, the more that their life-partner just tried to do the opposite to them and they realized how sick that is. They said that had I not done years ago the move I did, though shocking at the time, they might have succumbed to the wishes of their ‘half” now. We had a long talk over the phone on this matter.
I have to say that my brain must be tiny for I really do not understand women/men who make their partners forsake this or other friend or passion (like hobbies) for whatever reason (for instance my bro-in-law stopped participating in something he really loved cause his then-wife asked him to do so… cause she though it was too time consuming). I can tell my son (or a friend of mine) “listen this or that person is no good, you should avoid them” but I will not force him to do so or make him promise anything to that end… it is way to deep intrusion into a free will of the other person and it is highly disrespectful to them. In the end it is their choice, their life and I can’t live it for them. I can only issue a warning… decision is theirs. And forcing anyone to go along what I think is simply REPULSIVE, DISGUSTING and MORALLY UNACCEPTABLE.
If you respect your mate do not force them, ask them to stop doing something or contacting someone, either change yourself by e.g. going to another room, or if you can’t stand it at all maybe it is time to think on whether you are right for them and they for you. There are no perfect matches, no perfect fairy-tale lives… all differences can be worked out … but not by forcing the other party to succumb to your wishes, but by changing yourself. So stop being lazy in relationship and change first… the world will adapt. Either drop something that you are not willing to fight over, or work on it but in partnership not in slave-master set.