Today is my 36th b-day. Not a big deal, by any account. Defiantly, not causing any ripples in the fabric of universe. After all I’m just a tiny ball of dust in the scope of all the things.
But in my world I am self-declared Queen. A queen who recently realized she is a queen and she needs to run things her own way in her own world… SCREW WHAT OTHERS SAY.- none of my business.
This past year has been one of the most revolutionary in my life. A moment where I finally started taking my fully own stance for my own regardless of who and what says (and that includes those I love and am willing to die for – last group is composed of 4 people and they precisely know who they are).
Yes, I have been shattered, but I have also shattered myself this year. Did me much good, though it was not easy or pleasant… still coming to terms with the changes… so does my family.
For years I have been either ruled by others (aka my parents who under cover of their Catholicism believed they can do anything with me and through me… well some monsters do live among us and they tend to be closer than we wish or believe) or I have taken decisions for those who wished to sit back and watch (my hubby and our child). Now, partly due to his own doing and encouragement, part due to my own self-mending, and part due to the world around me… that ought to be my world, right?… I have arrived at very valuable conclusion and I’m even tempted to write my own book on this (seem so many are writing books on some more or less useful things, maybe my story will come in handy to someone).
From now on… I will limit myself to providing other with my opinion and grounds for it (+if requested advise)… but I shall not take decisions for anyone but myself.
I shall pursue my development the way I see fit (of course doing my best to avoid harm to others) and I will not stop at obstacles be they small or great.
I am a fighter, and after all these year I refuse to subdue as I have done that for way too long.
I have very clear plans and path to their realization in my head and I will do my best to make them come true. And I am willing to crucify a lot for them. Who is not with me, either stand to side and watch, or get the hell out of my way.
Since I live in my world, as does everyone, why should I let anyone or anything external run it for me? This is the last call and I can’t miss this train anymore. Mid-life-crisis? doubt that… just reaching time when I stand firmly on my own ground, know what I am capable of and I won’t fret at using the means available in me and to me.