do not meddle

My self-healing journey took me down some very twisted and obsessive paths these few past weeks. I’ve reconciled with myself and, I hope, made peace on all the possible levels.

Time does not seem to be capable of healing all the wounds, one has to heal them on their own and even if successful… some things, some feeling don’t just evaporate, they linger, they keep on living no matter how hard you wish they would… regardless, if they are wrong or right, doomed or blessed they can survive the greatest shocks and the longest periods of time hidden in depth of souls.

In some languages the wedding oath has one particular line that can be roughly translated into English ” that what the God has bound no human shall unbind” and who are we to judge what was God bound and what not? Even experience of tens of years does not give you guarantee that your opinion on the matter is correct.

There is one lesson learned from it all and it needs to be said in capital letters.

DO NOT MEDDLE IN OTHER PEOPLE (LOVE) LIVES…. and that especially goes for those who are your family.

I was refusing to do that in the past, and I will keep my resolve on this matter. I have promised to myself long ago that should my son fall in love with someone I do not approve of… I will voice my opinion, I will state my warning…. but I WILL NOT under any circumstance stand in his way. One has to commit their own mistakes, make his/her own choices . The worst I could do as a parent, is something that has been done to me by my own parents, is to rip ones heart out under pretenses that the one they love is wrong for them on grounds of material possession, nationality, religion or whatever the hell else. Why? cause if things are not left on their own course, your action as of the one exerting force that tears two people apart can simply ruin their lives, their mental stability, their souls. No matter how righteous you think/believe yourself to be YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO THAT.

Years later, should the two ever meet again, they may realize that the feelings are still there, but their own obligations towards those around them are too deep to allow them to really sort matters out or to give each other a go. That they, being people of honor, have no right to hurt/damage 3rd parties involved… yet the realization of hell they have been pushed into, by you, by the circumstance, by their own lack of strength… can push them off their own private cliffs. I think only deeper suffering can be caused by death, but that heals over time… On the other hand, though 18 years have passed in my case, I see no end or full healing of this one. And I simply can’t understand what gave my own parents the right to do what they did. I pray to the Lord, that I my own actions won’t lead ever my kid to asking me that very same question “why? what gave you the right?”

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