do not meddle

My self-healing journey took me down some very twisted and obsessive paths these few past weeks. I’ve reconciled with myself and, I hope, made peace on all the possible levels.

Time does not seem to be capable of healing all the wounds, one has to heal them on their own and even if successful… some things, some feeling don’t just evaporate, they linger, they keep on living no matter how hard you wish they would… regardless, if they are wrong or right, doomed or blessed they can survive the greatest shocks and the longest periods of time hidden in depth of souls.

In some languages the wedding oath has one particular line that can be roughly translated into English ” that what the God has bound no human shall unbind” and who are we to judge what was God bound and what not? Even experience of tens of years does not give you guarantee that your opinion on the matter is correct.

There is one lesson learned from it all and it needs to be said in capital letters.

DO NOT MEDDLE IN OTHER PEOPLE (LOVE) LIVES…. and that especially goes for those who are your family.

I was refusing to do that in the past, and I will keep my resolve on this matter. I have promised to myself long ago that should my son fall in love with someone I do not approve of… I will voice my opinion, I will state my warning…. but I WILL NOT under any circumstance stand in his way. One has to commit their own mistakes, make his/her own choices . The worst I could do as a parent, is something that has been done to me by my own parents, is to rip ones heart out under pretenses that the one they love is wrong for them on grounds of material possession, nationality, religion or whatever the hell else. Why? cause if things are not left on their own course, your action as of the one exerting force that tears two people apart can simply ruin their lives, their mental stability, their souls. No matter how righteous you think/believe yourself to be YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO THAT.

Years later, should the two ever meet again, they may realize that the feelings are still there, but their own obligations towards those around them are too deep to allow them to really sort matters out or to give each other a go. That they, being people of honor, have no right to hurt/damage 3rd parties involved… yet the realization of hell they have been pushed into, by you, by the circumstance, by their own lack of strength… can push them off their own private cliffs. I think only deeper suffering can be caused by death, but that heals over time… On the other hand, though 18 years have passed in my case, I see no end or full healing of this one. And I simply can’t understand what gave my own parents the right to do what they did. I pray to the Lord, that I my own actions won’t lead ever my kid to asking me that very same question “why? what gave you the right?”

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The vandalized art of flirting

I’m very much for direct communication and a lot of my male friends and acquaintances through the years have seen me as more male in this aspect than most females. SAY IT STRAIGHT, seems to be my motto. I hate beating around bushes, except for fun. Flirting has always been my great toy, and among those of my age or older I have found many willing partners for this entertainment. It is of course essential that all involved are aware it is just for amusement 😉 but such thing can be cleared before you get deep into the fun. At least that’s what adults should do.  Yet, I absolutely hate what is happening to the great art of flirting nowadays.

Wikipedia states “Flirting or coquetry is a social and sometimes sexual activity involving verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person. In most cultures, it is socially disapproved for a person to make explicitly sexual advances, but indirect or suggestive advances (i.e., flirting) may be considered acceptable. On the other hand, some people flirt playfully, for amusement. ”

I definitely am of the “old-school” where flirting was taken as fun, an exercise of the mind and not so much a serious matter that would lead to actual sex. I have been though by old-timers (grandparents born in 1910’s&20’s, including one countess among them), where flirt was meant as amusement most of the time, and though it could lead to more serious things as it served as great testing ground for the wit of your counterpart, majority of time it did not. It also meant that a man accepted and approved of witting and intelligent woman he was flirting with, approved of her as a human being and a partner in conversational battle of words, jokes, and subtle hints.

Throughout recent years of observation of the Internet and the young, I have discovered the sad truth that to wast majority of ‘new generations’ flirting EQUALS to getting into the undies of the other involved party… where is fun in that? where is the mind exercise?

Real flirting is like a game of chess, just played with words and body language.. and that’s where ‘beating around the bush’ is more than proper and welcomed.  Some of the best and most trusted friends I have ever made happened to me made via simple flirtation. It serves as a great test of intellect, it can be very entertaining and it definitely does not have to lead to anything more serious than that.  Hell, there was even one friend I had in L2 Dragon Network, who asked my character to marry his… and none though twice of it… neither my hubby, nor our guild members (all way above 20 back then)….only younger people from other guilds would get the funky idea that were having affair …I really don’t grasp where they would get that idea from…. maybe except for potential misunderstanding of our constant teasing and flirting with each other.  That once again…both of us knew would lead to nothing more than mutual intellectual fun 😉

Ohh, what a sad life they lead not knowing the fun of flirting and taking it way too seriously. How sad, that they all can’t see past sex. I agree – sex is enjoyable and can be great,  but there is so much more to exercising your own brain in such inter-human way.  So, stop over-simplifying things, bringing them down to mechanics of intercourse, and start enjoying flirt for what it is… one of the best games of the mind that you could play.